Pride never seemed more ridiculous than this…

Have you ever wanted to be an all-wise, all-knowing, all-intuitive sage who could always immediately pinpoint the problem with someone’s spiritual life? With your Holy Spirit-led instincts, you would present and explain in measured tones the solution to the grateful seeker who extols your brilliant Enlightenment. To his effusive thanksgiving, you would then smile benevolently and demur, “It was all from God. Praise the Lord!”

Have you?

I have!

Well, the idea did not sound so ridiculous at first.

All I wanted to do was help a friend get out of her spiritual rut. I wanted to give a solution to her problem… now what exactly is her problem again?

I don’t know!

So I made one up, one purely based on what I can see, what I can guess, what I can… solve. Because what would I do with a problem I can’t solve?

Now this creates two problems right away.

1. Instead of  actively listening to my friend and finding out how is she struggling, I would be actively seeking to impose my suggestion on her. That’s unhelpful and really rude. She would be confused, if not terribly upset.
2. I’m pretending I’m not really a fallible and imperfect human being who can’t read people’s minds and put a finger on their destiny. If God doesn’t expect me to be a guru, why should I? I’m getting stressed over nothing.

If this was just a delusion I’m suffering from, it would be good enough for God to snap me right out of it. But God being God and me being me, he showed me that it was not merely mistaken beliefs but my sinful pride which was setting up my foolish delusion.

I was elevating myself over my friend, I was elevating myself over who I really am, and mostly — I was elevating myself over God himself!

Paul’s wise counsel in Romans 12.3 came to my mind:

For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.

It was a sobering lesson yet I had a good laugh at myself too. It’s better that the joke’s on my expense than to lord over a friend!

The most startling thought came to mind this morning…

If it’s not of God, even the most quiet undisturbed life is cursed.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11

O how do I not love God? Let me count the ways…

This week I realise I love myself a lot. I love myself so much I love me more than I love God. How do I know that?

I’m reluctant to speak to a friend who could be doing something ungodly because I care more about my convenience than about God’s glory.

When I teach, I’m often more pleased with them listening to me, than with them listening to God’s word.

When I discuss plans with people, I’m more eager to be understood than I am to go and understand.

And worst of all, for every known way that I love myself above God, there are a hundred other ways that are hidden and undetected.

Why would I love myself, someone so worthless and why don’t I love God, someone so worthy, I asked myself.

Perhaps it’s because I’m deceived that the more I love myself, the more I gain out of life.

The more I avoid conflicts, the happier I would be. The more people listen to me, the more they might respect me. The more I’m understood, the more people can give me what I want.

And I’m right, I could gain all these. It’s highly possible I would be happier, respected, and satisfied – except that all that I gain is good only for this life, and not for eternity.

Jesus says in Matthew 5:5, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” O God, I cry out for you to help my spiritual bankruptcy.

Father I want to love you more. I want to be more like Jesus. He loved you more than he loved himself. He loved you so much he was willing to die on the cross to obey you. Holy Spirit come and make me more like Jesus. I want to love me less and love God more. In the precious name of Jesus I pray, amen.

let’s sing an old hymn

Tell out, my soul, the greatness of the Lord!
Unnumbered blessings give my spirit voice;
tender to me the promise of his word;
in God my Savior shall my heart rejoice.

Tell out, my soul, the greatness of his Name!
Make known his might, the deeds his arm has done;
his mercy sure, from age to age to same;
his holy Name–the Lord, the Mighty One.

Tell out, my soul, the greatness of his might!
Powers and dominions lay their glory by.
Proud hearts and stubborn wills are put to flight,
the hungry fed, the humble lifted high.

Tell out, my soul, the glories of his word!
Firm is his promise, and his mercy sure.
Tell out, my soul, the greatness of the Lord
to children’s children and for evermore!

Is Jesus the King of my heart?

If my answer is yes, then it must make a difference in the way I live my life, including the way I respond when a wedding dress is damaged by the dry cleaner.

And so this was the struggle I faced this week. It wasn’t primarily the heartache over a few hundred dollars, or the frustration with the dry cleaners who has yet taken responsibility – though those were tough too. It is ultimately an issue to do with my heart – what do I  treasure most?

Let me read you my paraphrase of Matthew 6.19-21:

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where dry cleaners destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

That I was bothered and distracted is indication that I treasured the dress more than I treasured Christ. I had trusted in the dress to make my life right – if only the dress wasn’t ruined, my life would be happier!

Instead I should be trusting in Jesus through whom I have received the best bundle of blessings one could ever imagine and depending on him for joy in my life.

Each time I thought I was over the dress, a sense of disappointment and injustice would overcome me again. I had to repent daily and God spoke faithfully from his Word in Proverbs 3:5-6, Matthew 6:25-34 and Philippians 3:7-11.

Regardless of the dry cleaner’s response, I want to be able to say at the end of it all: I forgive the dry cleaners because Christ has forgiven me much more!

God wants us to keep our leaders joyful

Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you. – Hebrews 13:17

When I first read this verse, I knew it was a keeper. Because like a good friend, it says what I need to hear, and not what I want to hear.

Sometimes I may not feel that my leaders are doing a good job of “keeping watch over my soul”, but make no mistake, God will surely demand an account from them. My part is to submit willingly to them so that they can lead with joy and not groaning!

In particular, this is a challenge for me as I return to serve in the youth ministry at my church. Submission to my youth pastor must come first instead of seeking what I think is best for the youths, often without much love and consideration for him.

I simply cannot build up the youths at the cost of obedience to what is plainly written in God’s Holy Scriptures. The ends does not justify my means! Strangely, I have a feeling that obeying this verse alone will result in a more fruitful time for everyone.

Marriage is good because God is good

I’m a bit shame-faced that I’m not quite the effusive new bride that some people hope I will be. At least it would make the conversation more bearable when they ask, “How’s married life?” Especially when they greet me with a really loud, “Hello Mrs CHOO!”, I turn around and I’m thinking, Err who are you? while giving them my best smile.

At least I could regale them with stories of how exciting the honeymoon was, how wonderful my husband is, how good the food I am eating daily at our aunty’s place, how sexy my new Kenwood mixer is. Instead I just say “oh it’s ok” (because it really is!) or a “well, it feels the same” (because it really does!).

But these tales would not give you a good idea of what marriage is like. In any case, most people wouldn’t count our honeymoon exciting (we played badminton and chess mainly), my husband isn’t always wonderful (me neither), I eat way too much over here (I’m not complaining, just saying…) and the mixer is just a machine, tis all. So what gives? How is married life, really?

Well, marriage is, indeed, good. It is good because God is good. God made marriage and calls it very good (Genesis 1:31). Depending on the time or day you ask me, I might give a different take on married life ( ) but this truth doesn’t change. Marriage is good because God is good.

God calls marriage very good because he instituted it to fulfill his purposes. He created wives as helpers to their husbands, and husbands as loving leaders for their wives. I find that when I am willing to align myself with God’s purposes, that’s when I enjoy my marriage the most.

Without this understanding, a person might take a “very good” answer from me to mean there are no difficulties in marriage life at all, and that’s not real. On the other hand, I don’t wish to discourage others from marriage by telling them how hard it can be. Worst of all, I do not want to pressure the singles into thinking marriage is the ultimate source of fulfillment. This statement is true too – Singleness is good because God is good!

So the next time you ask, “How’s married life?”, remember you are asking a very profound question! May my answer to your question speak of the glories of God. (Just don’t catch me on a bad day.)

God has no makeshift plans!

It would have been perfect if we bought the first flat we saw and loved in March and if flat prices didn’t rise so drastically shortly after we started looking for a second place. Then, it would have been perfect if we could get it all done up by the time we were wedded and move right in.

But no, we didn’t qualify for a subsidy then and couldn’t afford the flat. We even forfeited some money for the deposit! Later on, we paid a good sum of money more for a flat with lesser space. And no, we can only get the keys to the flat in February. So we are staying temporarily at an aunt’s place.

But there are no makeshift plans in God’s sovereignty, and what a blessing this has turned out to be!

I’ve learned that I am able to say goodbye to a dream home and cold hard cash without feeling the least bit sorry for myself — I didn’t know my faith could enable me to make that choice to rejoice because I’m rich in Christ.

I am blessed by my husband’s attitude towards money — he doesn’t hoard, he always gives. And now I’m blessed by his aunty who is showing me what hospitality looks like — she hosted new Christians for dinner on Christmas eve who she thinks wouldn’t be invited anywhere else.

I feel like I’m more ready now to be a homeowner and to live in it to God’s glory!

Do you hear the sinners singing?

I have been praying especially desperately for a friend’s salvation last week.

(You might be pretty impressed with that. So I gotta say it’s not entirely my zeal for the Lord, but the Holy Spirit’s leading — how else would you explain me suddenly bursting into tearful sobs while folding paper pompoms alone in front of the tv watching a B-grade movie Ramen Girl?)

A verse in Isaiah 62:6-7 encouraged me to keep on praying:

On your walls, O Jerusalem,
I have set watchmen;
all the day and all the night
they shall never be silent.
You who put the Lord in remembrance,
take no rest,
and give him no rest
until he establishes Jerusalem
and makes it a praise in the earth.

At the same time, I struggle with remembering that intercession is ultimately not about her or her needs, but about God and God’s glory. In my prayers, I have to prompt myself to pray that God will ultimately work for his name’s sake.

Then yesterday’s worship reminded me that all things belong to God. And it dawned on me that when I pray that God will show mercy to my friend, I’m acknowledging that salvation belongs to him, that he alone has the power to save… I am glorifying God when I intercede! God is not only glorified when sinners repent, but also when his people depend on him!

This question in my head brought tears to my eyes as I was listening to the congregation sing with my eyes shut: “Do you hear the sinners singing?” Yes Lord, it’s the most wondrous sound I ever heard. What can make a roomful of sinful people worship You except by your mercy and grace?

a simple prayer for my marriage

It’s 9 days to the wedding and a start of a same-but-different life. I can’t believe I would no longer come home to and sleep in the same bedroom I’ve had for 25 years. It’s my room, y’know — it’s where I’ve prayed, stretched, danced, crafted, wrote, read, cried, talked and even ate.

I can’t imagine starting all over again with a new place. I felt loads of emotional attachment to the room where I’ve rearranged my furniture countless times because of IKEA magazines haha!

And what’s more I will soon be sharing a room with another person — something I’ve never done my whole life since I’m an only child! Marriage is definitely about sacrifice and service. For me, it will begin with sharing a room, heh.

And then I have to share, gulp, his life! I wonder where his work will lead us in the future, what his dreams and hopes are, and what fears linger in him. I realise I’m marrying a person who is God’s creation, and not mine.

I can’t make him who I want him to be — and that’s a very good thing in God’s wisdom! When I was a dancer, I dreamed of marrying a dashing dancer; when I grew closer to God, I thought a pastor would be a perfect match for me. Clearly my ideal husband would change too often for me to be faithful in marriage if that’s how it works.

I realise I’m marrying a person, not a vocation. Do I have what it takes to love him and serve him my whole life joyfully? I have to ask myself that daunting question. But whatever my fears are, I want to walk these last 9 days remembering that God is in control and asking him for help in all things.

Give me ears to hear you, Chief Shepherd of my soul; and then speak, for thy servant is listening.

If God has chosen me to serve one man (in marriage), then let me do my duty and not count anything that God assigns as too small a job for me.

Let me walk the narrow way of loving one man and his family. If everything I’ve learned and know is used up in doing so, it would not be a waste of my talent, but a fitting offering to God.

The sacrifices will be innumerable, the difficulties countless, the pain immeasurable — oh but how great the joy would be, even on earth, and the rewards in heaven!