the gospel and home renovation – but, of course!

It’s exciting to set up a new home but it is also potentially a time of great stress.

The thing that bothers me the most is how should I make good use of the money we have? Am I wrong to want a brand new kitchen? Am I running after the things of this world if I decide to get new flooring? Why can’t I live with that ugly tiled wall in the living room? Am I being a good steward of God’s money?

You may say, “Hey those are good concerns, aren’t they?” but aha! my error is more subtle than most.

I go to God in prayer and supplication and I wonder why I don’t get peace; I ask for God’s wisdom and help and I still stress over making the wrong decisions; I eagerly desire to seek God’s kingdom first and I’m worried that it’s just not enough.

I didn’t even notice that there was something very very wrong with this picture for a long time! It isn’t just the renovations; there were already signs of it at other times. Usually it involves a great deal of money and a lot of suspicion about myself. Or so I thought; actually I was suspecting GOD himself.

I suspect that God wouldn’t really help me, that he isn’t really a gracious and loving Father, someone who listens to his children, helps them, and disciplines yet forgives them — in short, I suspect that the Gospel isn’t really true.

Did Jesus die for my sin? Does God entirely forgive me? Is Jesus’ death enough to pay my debt? Does God promise to be my Father? Is Jesus really alive and reigning? Did God give me the Holy Spirit?

And the answer  to all of them (when I reminded myself) is a big resounding YES!

My place in his kingdom is not dependent on my decision-making prowess. There is no reason for me to live in fear and doubt at all when God is on my side! This just shows that we can never repeat the gospel and its promises to ourselves too much.

Pride never seemed more ridiculous than this…

Have you ever wanted to be an all-wise, all-knowing, all-intuitive sage who could always immediately pinpoint the problem with someone’s spiritual life? With your Holy Spirit-led instincts, you would present and explain in measured tones the solution to the grateful seeker who extols your brilliant Enlightenment. To his effusive thanksgiving, you would then smile benevolently and demur, “It was all from God. Praise the Lord!”

Have you?

I have!

Well, the idea did not sound so ridiculous at first.

All I wanted to do was help a friend get out of her spiritual rut. I wanted to give a solution to her problem… now what exactly is her problem again?

I don’t know!

So I made one up, one purely based on what I can see, what I can guess, what I can… solve. Because what would I do with a problem I can’t solve?

Now this creates two problems right away.

1. Instead of  actively listening to my friend and finding out how is she struggling, I would be actively seeking to impose my suggestion on her. That’s unhelpful and really rude. She would be confused, if not terribly upset.
2. I’m pretending I’m not really a fallible and imperfect human being who can’t read people’s minds and put a finger on their destiny. If God doesn’t expect me to be a guru, why should I? I’m getting stressed over nothing.

If this was just a delusion I’m suffering from, it would be good enough for God to snap me right out of it. But God being God and me being me, he showed me that it was not merely mistaken beliefs but my sinful pride which was setting up my foolish delusion.

I was elevating myself over my friend, I was elevating myself over who I really am, and mostly — I was elevating myself over God himself!

Paul’s wise counsel in Romans 12.3 came to my mind:

For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.

It was a sobering lesson yet I had a good laugh at myself too. It’s better that the joke’s on my expense than to lord over a friend!